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A Tale in Literary by Angler: Grami
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Guidance from Grami
Point of View should be from the character with the most emotional risk in a scene. Within a scene, it may successfully change on the thread of emotion; otherwise, a page break should be used. In Son of Promise, you'll read from multiple POVs and get to know these characters a little more as he story moves along - like you get to know new people you meet in life. Another major mistake of many writers, we used to call an "information dump" at the DFW Writers' Workshop. Any critique or suggestions are appreciated : )
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The Son Of Promise Chapter Two

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In Chapter One, Travis survived telling Emma Lee about the twelve yr old son he just found out about. They'd gone and got the boy and introduced them to Emma Lee's folks. Life would be so different with Cody living in the old mansion at the ranch, but the anticipation of getting to know the boy excited him. With so much to teach him, Travis looked forward to being a dad.

ChapterTwo

 

“It’s gettinglate”

Cody cracked oneeye opened. Travis stood next to his bed. “Huh?” His window curtains flutteredwith an early morning breeze. It was still dark. “What time is it?”

“Time to get up,breakfast is about ready.” The man nodded toward the door. “Kitchen’sdownstairs to your left. Get a move on. We don’t want to burn daylight.”

Cody swung hisfeet over the side of the bed. Travis was crazy. It was the middle of thenight. Even the idiots in reform school didn’t bother you this early in themorning. He dressed in yesterday’s clothes and hurried to breakfast.

Emma Lee turnedfrom the stove and smiled. “Good morning. You drink coffee?”

He nodded thenslipped into the chair across from the man his mama claimed was his father. Howcould she have known for sure? So many different men had shared her bed. And ifthis guy really was the one, where had he been all these years? 

Emma held out asteaming mug. “How you like your eggs?”

He took the cup.“Scrambled soft would be great.”

After Travisprayed over the food, he didn’t say another word until he wolfed down threegravy-covered biscuits, two more with jelly, three eggs, a mound of hashbrowns, a tall glass of milk, and three cups of coffee.

And Cody thoughthe was the big eater.

Once finished, theman scooted his chair back and stood. “There’s three things I expect from you.”He pointed at Cody’s plate. “If you’re finished, we’ll be about the firstone.”  

With the dishesput in a pan of water to soak and the leftovers covered with a cloth, Codyfollowed the pair out back to the pickup. Emma held the door while he scootedin, then she went around to the driver’s side. The eastern sky announced thenew day’s coming with spectacular color. Cody wondered if this little bit oflight counted yet, he sure could use a nap.

After a silentquarter of a mile or so, she stopped in front of a huge two story barn, andTravis got out. “Wait for me at flat rock. I’ll go down by the bottoms to makesure they’re not there on my way.”

Cody waited untilshe pulled around the barn then asked, “Exactly what are we doing? Or should Isay looking for? And how’s Travis getting to that flat rock place?”

She noddedforward. “Open that gate then I‘ll tell you.”

He did as told,waited to close it back once she pulled through, then climbed aboard. “Okay, sowhat?”

“We’re going tohelp Travis round up horses. He figures the herd’s still in the high meadow,but he wanted to check along the creek on his way.”

“He keep anothertruck in that barn?”

She laughed. “No,his favorite horse.”

Rounding up theherd didn’t sound like too hard of a thing; ride around with Emma Lee, open andclose a few gates. Not that he minded hard work, either, but he did like to getpaid for what he did. And he expected to be the one to decide how he spent hismoney.

Emma Lee stoppedshort of a swift flowing creek. The way the water danced over the rocks andglistened in the early morning sun caught Cody by surprise. Didn’t guess he’dever seen anything quite like it before, not that he’d really seen his share ofnature. This was something else.

For a second, hewished he had a camera so he could take a picture and send it to his mother,but then he realized she wouldn’t care about some stupid creek running overstupid rocks. The only time she was ever up this early was when she’d been atit all night.

Picture? What washe thinking? She wouldn’t care about no picture, and he shouldn’t either. Hewas getting out of here soon as he figured out the best way.

That little redcoupe sped across his mind’s eye.

“Coffee?” Emma Leeheld out a steaming cup.

“Sure.” He tookit, wondered where she got it, then spotted the dented green thermos on thedash. “How about one of those?” He pointed to the cigarette she was rolling.

She studied on ita second then shook her head. “I don’t think Travis would approve.”

“If he don’t know,how can he approve or not?”

She laughed. “I’vequit a dozen times since we’ve been married, and every time I pick the nastythings back up, he knows within a day or two no matter how careful I think I’mbeing. Must be the Indian in him. He can smell tobacco a mile away.”

Movement behindEmma Lee froze any rebuttal on Cody’s lips. More horses than he could countraced toward them along the creek. “Wow. Look at that.”

Emma Lee swungaround. “Sure are pretty animals, aren’t they?”

He watched as theherd split and thundered around the truck. Travis came into view riding a biggray, slapping a looped rope against his leg. The last horse passed by and theman reined to a stop next to the truck. Emma Lee rolled down her window. “Seeyou found them.” Cody couldn’t see her face, but he could hear the smile in hervoice.

Travis nodded.“Hurry up and circle around. Open the ravine gate, that lot has a small corralat the far end.”

She nodded. “Wecan do that.”

“Good.” He barelyleaned forward, then like the horse knew what was expected, it shot after theherd.

Cody’s heartboomed in his ears. He scooted to the edge of his seat and hung on as Emmabounced them across the pasture arching away from the cloud of dust trailingthe horses. He wanted to hoop or holler or something like they did in thepicture shows but kept his peace. He hadn’t done anything yet to hoop or hollerabout.

After she jarredevery bone in his body real good and loose, she slammed on the brakes andskidded to a stop a few feet from a double gate. “Quick, help me get both sidesopen.”

He beat her to itand swung the right gate open. She got her side done, hurried to the truck,then backed it out of the way. He jumped in, too, but before his heart had achance to pump any easier or his breath to catch up, the herd came into view.

“Stay put.” EmmaLee ordered then slid out.

Never occurred tohim to do anything else, but he didn’t like it one bit her being in the openalone with all those horses thundering down on her. She was the onlystep-mother he had, not that he cared for her or anything, but she wasn’t sobad, and he did enjoy her cooking; maybe not as much as her mama’s, but plentygood enough.

His hand froze onthe door handle. He was almost as big, but didn’t think he could drag her backin. Maybe she knew what she was doing.

The lead horseneared with the others close on its heels. Emma Lee waved and shouted themtoward the gate. Like a miracle, the whole herd turned and ran straight throughlike they planned to go there all along. Travis galloped in behind them. Sheran toward the opening, and Cody hurried to help her close the gates.

Travis circledaround. “See one you like?”

Cody shrugged andlaughed. “There was so many of them, didn’t look much at any one particular.”He thumbed toward Emma Lee. “Besides, I was too busy hanging on.”

Travis nodded.“Open one side enough for Emma Lee to get the truck through, tell her I’ll meetyou by the corral. I’ll cut out three or four for you pick from.”

Pick from? Whywould Travis want him to pick one out? He wasn’t a cowboy, didn’t even know howto ride. And the way those horses were galloping, Cody would probably fall offfor sure if he was to sit on top one of those brutes.

Images of cowboysgoing into a corral with a buckin’ bronco and other cowboys standing around towatch him get bucked off flashed across his inner eye. Why, he’d break everybone in his body. Was that what Travis planned? For him to get his fool neckbroke so that he could tell everyone, “Yeah, I took the brat in, but he gothimself killed first rattle out of the box.”

The old ladywouldn’t care none. One more excuse to drown herself in a bottle of whiskeylike she did every night anyway.

Once Travis gotfour of the killers in the wooden corral and his gray tied to a post, hemotioned for Cody. A part of him wanted to run the other way, but for somereason, he had to show this man that he wasn’t a coward, that he wasn’t afraid.He strolled to the fence.

“So see one youlike?”

Cody studied theanimals a bit. A light brown one with a black line down his back stared at him,almost like the horse was saying, pick me. Cody pointed at him. “What aboutthat one?”

“Nice lookingcolt. You want him then?”

“I don’t know.What do you think?”

Travis took offhis hat, wiped his forehead with his sleeve, then put his hat back on. “He’llmake a nice cow pony.”

“Okay then, I’lltake him.” Even though he had to ignore the butterflies in his gut, his chestswelled thinking of owning such an animal. It was hard to believe Travis wouldgive him a horse just like that.

***

It pleased Travisthat the boy picked the dun, it also gnawed at him some. He’d had his eye onthat colt. Left him a stud just in case. Oh well, the boy was a good judge ofhorse flesh whether he knew it or not. He’d have plenty of other good horseswhen the time came to retire the gray.

He watched his sonclimb the corral fence and study the colt then faced Emma Lee. “Any coffeeleft?” She joined himcarrying the thermos and tin cups. “You’re the best, Emma Lee, but lady, youcut five years off my life when I saw you standing there waving the herd towardthe gate.”

“You wouldn’t havethought a thing of it if I’d been one of your hired men.” She poured his cupfull. “Truth be known, you’d been mad if I was a man and hadn’t of got out andhelped turn those horses. Isn’t that right?”

She had him but hehated to admit it, instead he bent over and kissed her full on the lips.

She pushed himback, grinning. “None of that until you admit I’m right.”

“Maybe so, but thepoint is, you’re not a man. Praise the Lord for that. Still, took my breathaway to see you in harm’s way.”

“Well, I’ll takethat maybe as a ‘yes, Emma Lee, you were right’. And, I’ll also take note youdon’t like me anywhere in front of stampeding hooves of any kind.”

Travis blew EmmaLee a kiss then handed his cup to her. Figured he best give her the last word,or he’d never get anything done. Without looking at the boy, but knowing he wastaking it all in, Travis retrieved a length of soft rope and his extra saddleand blanket from the back of the truck. He tossed the rig onto the top board ofthe fence then tied the rope into a halter.

Sliding the gate’sbolt back, he stepped into the corral then looked back and nodded toward Cody.“Hold the gate, and when I get this rope on your Dun, let the other three out.”

Travis easedtoward the quartet without looking directly at them. All four had been greenbroke back in the spring, but that was better than six months ago, and ifmemory served, the dun had been the rankest of the bunch. As he neared, hecooed a string of ‘easy boy’s and ‘good horse’s. The colt pressed into thesorrel next to him, but didn’t bolt.

With his headlowered, Travis slipped the end of the rope he hadn’t tied over the horse’sneck, twisted that under the dun’s chin, then looped it over his nose. “Goodboy.” With one hand, he held the twist, and with the other, he slipped the endhe’d tied into a halter over the colt’s nose.

A quick release ofthe twist then he tied off the rope. “Open the gate, Cody.”

“Yessir.”

Travis waved hishat at the other three and hung on tight to the dun when he tried to run outwith the others. “Emma Lee, bring the grey in. Cody, get that saddle andblanket off the fence.”   

The dun shiedsome, but Travis got him saddled without much trouble. He led him to the gray’soffside then swung aboard, careful not to kick the colt. He nodded toward Cody.“You ready?”

 


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Comments

I like the story. You got me hooked pretty quickly, and that's starting in Chapter 2! I'm looking forward to future chapters to see how these characters are going to develop individually and together. One suggestion I'll make is to add some description of the house and the ranch. If those were given in Chapter 1, then ignore me here. The story moves along at a good pace, but I found myself wondering about some of the physical details.Also, there are a couple of phrases that seem a little awkward. They stand out, I think, because they're speed bumps in a story that moves along so well. I copied this one as an example: "He barely leaned forward, then like the horse knew what was expected, it shot after the herd."It might read a little easier: He barely leaned forward, and the horse shot after the herd as if it knew what was expected.All of these are just minor suggestions for what looks like a great story so far. Thanks for posting it. I'm anxious to read more!
From nubago


I LOVE this! Forget the occasional spelling errors, that's nothing!~ This writer grabs you and pops you right into the lives of these good, 'down-home' people, making you smell the coffee and the horseflesh, that particular sweet, clean "horse' smell, and feel the softness of the dust they kick up.This is the best piece of writing I've read in a long, long time, and I'm looking forward eagerly to the next installments.Great job, Grami. Keep it going!
From Simon1973


Grammi, this has the makings of a good story. Although I've read lots of these type stories of children showing up late and unexpectedly in an adults life, I still like them. I anxiously await the next chapter and to see if I can find fault. ha. Won't be easy, but I'll try. Let the bearded one have some credit.
From ClaudeMorrison


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